i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
