i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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