pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
