Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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