well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
