Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
