Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
