remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So much Jack, so little girl.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
