I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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