I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
