after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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