Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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