i just made my gag reflex go away.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
