My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
