Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
