Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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