There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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