shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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