Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
