Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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