Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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