Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
