Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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