i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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