I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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