I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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