I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
