My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
