So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
