i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
