I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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