Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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