We need to rekindle our bromance
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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