i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
