My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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