I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
