he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
