Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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