3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
