UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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