lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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