I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
