At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
