He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
