omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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