I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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