do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
