Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
