maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
