You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
