you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
