We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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