I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
