I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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