I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
