Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
