New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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