His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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