I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
