You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
