By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just had sex on a roof
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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