Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
