I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We have so much sex to catch up on
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
