i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
