you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
