She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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