I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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