last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
