Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
