Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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