If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
