today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
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I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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