toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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