if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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