I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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