My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize