you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
