he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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