Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
