dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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