I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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