I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
