The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
