It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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