You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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