Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
